and I’m starting to feel like I’m emerging into something really exciting.

This past week, I spoke with Autumn about being ready for discharge from my IOP and the countdown is on. It wasn’t some like huge revelation like I was in a dark room and all of the sudden, a spotlight hit me and angels sang that made me realize I was ready but more a like a few quiet moments where after, I realized “holy shit, I’m using therapy skills in my life…and it’s WORKING.”

THERAPY. WORKS.

I mean, obviously there HAD to be some sort of science behind it, right??

Today, I saw a quote that really made me pause because it’s defining where I see myself right now:

“I love when I realize I’m handling a situation better than my old self would have.”

For the past few weeks, that sparkle has started coming back. My voice isn’t shaking when I speak. I can look at someone in the eye to say no and not feel like I have to explain myself. I’m standing a little taller. I’m EXCITED to see people. I can look at myself in the mirror. I can brush my hair, and take a shower, and not feel like I want to die.

I’m not crying every morning because I woke up.

Not gonna lie, I did have a few thoughts creep up over the past few weeks, but I was able to identify where it may be coming from and work (okay, fumble) my way through it. I didn’t push them down to hide.

I feel like now is when the REAL work begins – the real practicing for life outside of IOP. The continued shadow work. The “catch, check, change” of my emotions. The healthy coping skills. The routine building. The getting back into a new normal. The maintaining and building boundaries. The sharing to let people hold me accountable.

The RESPECTING AND LOVING Emmy.

Because she deserves it.

And, at the end of the day, while I say therapy works and do a little victory dance, I also pat myself on the back. I showed up. I did the work. I didn’t hide (all the time) and realized that I couldn’t continue to play the my-life-sucks card if I wasn’t going to try to do something about it. If you can’t be part of the solution, you gotta shut the hell up and sit your ass down, including not complaining.

I know not every day is going to be perfect, but I’m more confident in the tribe I’m surrounding myself with and how they will continue to support me when the days are rough.

Plus, the sun still peeks through the clouds as it rains occasionally.