this house used to be my favorite place, where sunshine and laughter filled my soul

but when i came back to visit, a new tenant was there

i peer inside a window, curious, but all i see is swirling darkness

the hysterical sobs, pleas to a higher power, coming through the nothingness

“god, if you’re there, please help me”

“god, i can’t do this anymore”

“god, where are you”

i go to the next window, but there’s nothing but angry reds biting at the glass

threats of fire exploding

screams of frustration are coming through

explicits that even make me uncomfortable, and i speak them in cursive

the glass is pounding so violently, i can feel it in my chest

i walk to the next window, but there’s nothing but gray

as if monotone has come to life

she looks weary, like she’s tired of trying to put on a show

tired of being everything to everyone

i knock on the glass but can’t get her attention

emotionless

exhausted

numb

she is moving now, in slow motion

just hollow, oblivious to the world around her

she’s been in the house too long to have drown out the angry red screams and the swirling darkness as neighbors

i’m looking for the vibrant colors, the pinks and yellows and blues i loved so much

but this house has scared them away

the windows are boarded up, locked tight

no sunlight peaking through

nothing but nauseating swirling, and panicking thumping, and a woman left who has given up hope.